just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize