sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
