How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
