Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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