I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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