I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
