i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
