i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
