I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
