lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
