you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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