I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
