I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
