i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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