My hand turned me down
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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