i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
