1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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