Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
