My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
