He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I think my moral compass just broke
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
