i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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