I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Send help, water and tortillas.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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