i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
tell me about the eggs
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
