I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
