She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
