Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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