I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
not ubering you a puppy
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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