dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
