We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
