I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
thus making me awesome and them whores
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
