Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
