Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
