their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
