I could have mohawked her pubes.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
