pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
