I saw his package. It spoke to me.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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