Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
