I puked a lego.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
