it was like a zeppelin in a condom
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
