ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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