I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
