I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I supernannyed him into submission
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!