Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.