he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
