i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
