I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
