Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
operation harelip BJ is a go
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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