you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My feet surprised me
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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