They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
