you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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