goodnight i made you a song goodbye
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
