you guys were way drunker than both of me
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
