you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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