cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
