I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
