shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
