i was born a porn star she said
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
