Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize