I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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