he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
